Day 3 (15/4/09)

The day without your news is so lost. I had a long talk with colleague. She just separated with her husband although she just gave birth to her baby. She is tough and so brave. Not because of any third party. It is because of the family, the parents, and the husband behavior. I think most of the women hope the partner can take care of her. She told me from her experience, compromise will only lead to a dead end if the other doesn’t know to appreciate. We are only human. Very easy we tend to taking granted for those who treat us good. We seldom remind ourselves how much the other had pay for us when we in a comfort zone. I know, you had compromise many as well. But you are brave enough to remain your own life style. You are brave enough to tell me that you like your life style. You brave to tell me you like to be at home, you don’t like go out. Did you ever think if I also tell you I like outing, I don’t like always at home. What can you do? Because you’re brave, I respect you, I am willing to compromise. Because I love you, because I don’t want to lose our relationship. I am not sure what will happen in the future. I not sure are we really came to the end. I am not sure can I resist with your love if you come back to me. But I try to remind myself every moment, if everything remains the same, the problem will remain the same. If only we would like to remain our relationship as BF and GF, we can’t move any step without any changing from both site. All this while I pretend the problem is not a problem because we love each other. But until now, until the problem had become bigger hurt to both. I feel so helpless. It is like a child hoping to get an apple. When she received a gift from the elder, open the box and found an orange. She likes to have the gift, but she hope the gift can be an apple. But she can’t change the fact that orange can’t change to be apple. She is wondering should she accept the orange or she gives up on the gift her like. The situation gets even worst when she is actually allergy with orange. I don’t want any other gift, but I don’t want orange. I just want my gift to become apple. I hope this desperately. Hope I wish it can happen to me. Can I be so lucky?

I love you, do you love me enough?